Focus on the Present

I’ve always been a crier. My husband, my family, my niece, they all know, and sometimes they cry with me.  At this time of the year, it is easy to cry.  I often think back to the big family gatherings we had in houses too small for all of the people in them.  I remember caroling to church members and being greeted with the elations of a person who saw that they weren’t forgotten.  But those are old memories. So many of those people no longer live in the homes that I visited. There has been hurt and loss.  I am happy and sad to remember those warm, communal events.  I also fear for the future. I shouldn’t, I can’t control the future.  However, what I fear most is the loss that I will endure when I leave my loved ones or they leave me.  This remembrance and fear of loss is disabling and kills the hope and familial happiness that I should be experiencing.

So, how do you disarm these feelings?  How do you find happiness despite the pain? I have certainly acknowledged the reality of life as suffering. Now what?

I am choosing to make a concerted effort to focus on the present.  With this focus I will be able to be truly grateful for the people around me right now.  I want to get wrapped up in the music and gifts and movies and decorations and food.  I want to give to others because I am grateful for their existence.  When I let go of the sadness and fear, I can be in the moment with people that love me and love them.  I can make new memories.  Maybe I’m no longer caroling with the church choir to shut ins, but I am teaching my niece piano and the songs of the season.  We may not have a house full of relatives, but I get to have parties and gatherings with family and friends and be part of a loving community.  This holiday season, despite the worry and fear, I am determined to live in the present and show others just how much they make my life better by being in it right now.